choco vanilla thoughts

i wish to go home

2007-04-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

you teach me to come home when things hurt....when all my life all i'd learn is to run... run as fast and as far away from everything familiar when i am wounded, when i am bleeding, when i hurt. you teach me that home is a safe place. that you are my safe place.

you are my soul

2007-04-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

you hold all that makes me sing... all that makes me smile... all that can make me cry...

you are all that is tender, all that is loving, all that is strong, all that is vulnerable in me. you are all the pieces of me that enables me to dream... to hope... to hold on and face all the odd.

i love you.

till we have faces

2007-03-30T16:17:00.000-07:00

as i watched him walk towards me, all i could say was oh my god. that moment, watching him made me feel like i was watching all his photos come alive, i was watching all his photos walk towards me, i was watching all our conversations walk towards me

and as if in a trance.... i walked slowly towards him, my head tilted to the side to keep a better sight of his every move and every expression as he searched the crowd for me.... i think i might have had a silly, shy smile on my face which tried so hard not to appear so obviously shy.... and then he saw me, smiled one big happy smile and he opened his arms to me.... and the next second i was in them, being hugged, hugging back.... being kissed.... and i knew this was no stranger i was kissing.... this man whose arms held me will never be a stranger.... he is the other half of me.... he is my true love.... he is the reason for my existence.... my perfect fit.... the one person out of all the lives in all universes who called me into existence.... and i kissed him back with all i had in me... and held him tight for all the times we had been away from each other....

my hand slipped into his so naturally, as we walked i couldn't stop staring at his beloved face.... my eyes just kept being drawn back to him.... right then, right there, i wanted to make love to him with my eyes....being with him felt like finally.... breathing.... for the first time....

beginnings...

2007-03-15T18:59:00.000-07:00

there is so much to write about, but somehow, being yet again in another waiting stage of my life, i cannot seem to find any form to my thoughts. what thoughts. i cannot even call them such. because i cannot find any coherence or reason for most of the things that pass and flit through my head.

i came here without any inkling of what i'd find waiting for me. but i think that by now i should learn to be ready for anything. because since this year opened, my life has turned into a series of adventures. i thought i'd only see him for a day. no, a day. that would have been too ambitious. i was only supposed to see him for an hour. between flights, on his last day in europe, on his way to america. and from the moment i had confirmed my trip here i kept banging my head on metaphorical walls trying to make one budge and see how i/we can make 1 hour enough, to meet, to be together, to be. i kept asking why we even had to fit everything in just one hour. although, i was very aware and ever so grateful that we could even see each other so much sooner than we had planned or hoped for.

every turn from then on felt like Providence at work..